I just spent 3 days trying to start writing on here. i could not find the energy to talk about myself. I have some trouble sometimes keeping my concentration focused on the subject and tend to veer off and rant a bit.
If you know about people with crippling anxiety, then you will understand how hard it is to tell people the truth about who you are.
The truth being that i am an addict. Now recovered for 2 and a half years, building a new life and raising a beautiful family, i am able to do what i love and that is creating.
From the age of 10 i have always loved sketching, painting, cutting up magazines and sticking it in books or to my bedroom wall. My first sketches were of CELEBRITIES that i liked and would take reference from tiny thumbnails cut out from the TV Guide. I got so much pleasure from this and the praise that i would get from friends and family. I went on to study Art and design at my city College and completed the diploma with the highest distinctions. this was achieved from weeks of studying Picasso and using his cubism concept on my own artwork. I also became very fascinated by the history of art and wanted to study it in University.
That dream was put aside by my need to work full time to help with the cost of living at home and my mum being disabled and receiving benefits, i could not afford to study further.
As the work rolled in and i was getting office jobs making quite a lot of money, i began to enjoy the night life that came every Friday without fail. This was my night to be amazingly cool Frankie, polishing off a Bottle of wine before i got in the Taxi.
My dependence grew and soon is was not just Friday night but Saturday afternoon to Sunday afternoon, and many Mondays at work were missed. As i was still living at home, it did not affect my life that much because my Mum would always bail me out, but later i would have to move out and thats when i drank every day.
I would go to interviews drunk and still get the job. I would drink in work and think nobody noticed. I got kicked out of shred houses and my family were no longer speaking to me.My life was a mess and it was only getting worse. my painting stopped completely and i ripped up most of my artwork in a drunken rage one day after somebody said it was child-like.
Year 28 of my life would be the arrival of my first child. We had no money and lived in a very rough area in a block of flats. My Drinking continued and eventually my Daughter was taken away at the age of 18 months. I could not tell you what my life was like after that as all i remember is waking up and stumbling to the shop.
I needed help as now i was homeless and living in and out of hostels.
I began to go to more meetings and a local drugs clinic for help. i met my partner after i saw him perform with his band and we decided i would start a new life with him away from my hometown and the baggage that was keeping me intoxicated. This man was my rock and soon i was strong enough to seek out my daughter and arrange to get contact with her, but unfortunately this resulted in me having to apply to court and it is still ongoing to this day. The positive is that my daughter is safe and healthy and i will be seeing her soon in a contact centre and will rebuild my relationship with her.
A new town meant a new job and new people and i lovedhow i fealt so loved again. soon we would start our little family and raise two beautiful kiddies.
With the amazing help from our Social care and doctors, i was able to stay clean for now nearly 3 years.
I started painting again while i was pregnant with my daughter because it would help with my anxiety. The feeling of creating something and then showing it on my social media would be my new therapy.
I started my Business and freelance services and got a few commissions, one of them being for a well known Film producer who wanted an image for his new Biography book cover. Amazing!
After some counselling and being on medication for my mental health, i am able to focus on building a life with my family.
I don’t go a day without wanting to pick up a pencil or paint brush, and i do not plan on giving up on this endless possibility to succeed in doing what i love. I want to grow my business with providing my services to create Portraits, Fan art, Illustrations and Logos.
You can find some pieces that i have created for sale on my gallery page. Please message me if you are interested. I will be doing special offers on commissions
I hope you enjoyed reading my story and thanks for taking he time to visit my site.