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Do we want stress to distract ourselves?

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No matter how hard you work, someone else is working harder. ~ Elon Musk, entrepreneur

After a very tiresome week and 3 hours sleep a night i have come to ask the question, could i be doing too much? I have taken on being an Avon Rep as well as a smart PA all in one week and now i am sitting back and thinking i will have absolutely no time to sit back!

i know that having two small children is enough for anybody to collapse into bed at 7pm, but i don’t feel like that is all i am supposed to be doing. Don’t get me wrong, i love being a mum and a homemaker, but i want so much more from this life that i have and i just want to be a success.

On the other hand i could just be piling work up to distract myself from being with myself. when the children are napping i sometimes do not trust the quiet and i find myself wanting to be busy.

I got to thinking maybe all addicts in recovery feel this way. I mean the amount of time that i used to spend drinking, getting drink, trying to make fast cash to get drink, i could have easily been the CEO of my own alcohol company. My goals in life have changed now and they include wanting to see a bit of the world with my children, sending hem off to university, getting them driving and being able to support their dreams.

With the little time that i have spare each day i am working my hardest to put my name out there in the arts world, dabbling in sales, writing and Vlogging. I am jam packing my schedule because i am also a believer that, Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment. ~ Mahatma Gandhi, Indian activist.

Yes my writing needs improvement and i have so much to learn about art it is frightening, but i am trying and i am enjoying the journey. If the tasks one day become too much that it is affecting my health or my children then i will take a step back, but i have no idea what my mind will do.

Will it wander what it would be like to relax with a glass of wine, or two? Every alcoholic will tell you that after a long time being abstinent your little mind has ways of trying to trick you into thinking that you are all cured now and that of course you can have one glass of wine and go to bed. It takes a lot of resilience and education to tell that this voice is not your friend.

That old friend tells me that i shouldn’t be an artist and that the competition is to great out there that a nobody like me will never get noticed. They tell me that because that person didn’t say hello it must mean they dislike me and talk about me all the time. This voice wants to be my only friend and will do anything to keep me from making others.

The point i am making here is that i like to fill my head with busyness to drown out that voice trying to drag me back. Could it be that we love stress and purposefully go about seeking work to fill every minute of our day?

If anybody has this same way of looking at things, please do share.

Peace out!!

Author

frankiekelly1987@gmail.com
I am a 35 year old freelancer/vlogger/Artist/Holistic Therapy student. I have so many things that I want to do with my life and it seems impossible to fit it all in. This is a starting point I guess somewhere I can put all my goals and achievements. It's going to take some time to get where I want but that's life.

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