Day one is the hardest!

Looking after our kids with a clear head is a blessing. Chicken pocs above 😆

A man sitting across from me at an AA meeting once said that he could never remember the times he drank but will always remember that first day being sober. The amount of head nods that this statement made was bewildering.

The one day we do not want to speak with anybody, or know anything about yesterday. The great need for reassurance that the world is not coming to a bitter end is overwhelming. We know that look from our loved ones that means, what the fuck were you doing and we just say..”Please don’t”. But they do and we shut our ears and hope that you can not be sick.

Leaving that day behind with all your possessions intact is the best feeling anybody would agree. Was it all worth it? Did we have a great time dancing and living it up? No! so why?

It has been the subject for many years of what is behind the alcoholics need to drink to oblivion, and i can honestly say i have not a clue yet. I have wanted to study human behaviour and have even taken a course in counselling to further my understanding, but so far can only seem to place it down to trauma. A quick internet search yields many definitions of trauma. I think the simplest definition is this: an emotional response to a terrible event.

something about coping with the trauma got me thinking that the day and age we live in now, people are dealing with more traumatic experiences every day. Does this mean eventually we will all be seeking something to numb our pain, to release those beautiful endorphins that make us feel untouchable, and help us forget. God forbid that one day we could walk out of our doors and be faced with crowds of people drinking and fighting in the street at 7am on a Monday morning.

Nobody will save you from yourself, only you are capable of that. This was all anybody said to me and i wanted to scream. I thought that was so stupid as why would i have not helped myself already if that was the case. It was because i didn’t want to. I absolutely did not want to give away my bottle of wine and trade it for a cup of tea. I couldn’t picture my life without having drink in it. It would be boring, what would i do with myself on a Friday night?

It is only now that i have started to respect myself a bit more and realise that i serve a purpose and drink does not fall into that equation.

Being a parent and having a hangover are possibly the worst combination known to man. That first day when you want to hide into a ball under your duvet is taken over by a baby needing you to get them to sleep and feed them. so much comfort can be felt when i am able to run in and out of my kids room at night to settle them without feeling my body shake uncontrollably.

I will always tell the person thinking about grabbing that first drink, just remember that first day.


I am a 35 year old freelancer/vlogger/Artist/Holistic Therapy student. I have so many things that I want to do with my life and it seems impossible to fit it all in. This is a starting point I guess somewhere I can put all my goals and achievements. It's going to take some time to get where I want but that's life.

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What is Will Power?

30th April 2022